Is avoiding gaslighting our kids one of the biggest challenges?

Understanding the reasons behind parents’ need to refrain from gaslighting their kids is crucial not only for the child’s welfare but also for promoting positive connections and psychological growth.

The facts

Psychology Today describes gaslighting as “a form of manipulation where targets are urged to doubt their memories, beliefs, feelings, or sanity. It is often used to gain some sort of advantage over the target by weakening their clarity—and hence their judgment—so that they can be taken advantage of in some way.”

It is essential to note that gaslighters are not born. However, all relationships are affected by gaslighting, and it hurts the victim. Children are especially sensitive to the effects of gaslighting. Although the much younger ones may not understand the term, they get extremely upset if they discover that their parent is doing it to them.

Parents can gaslight for a variety of reasons, such as a need for power and control, a desire to evade responsibility, insecurity, or trouble managing their emotions.

Parents who gaslight their children may downplay the seriousness of their acts, denying claims or incidents from happening. The needs and viewpoints of their children are undermined by this type of emotional manipulation. In dysfunctional homes, there are a variety of telltale signs of gaslighting parents, but certain typical ones are worth noticing.

A clinical psychologist Craig Malkin, PhD asserts that there are three major types of gaslighting in the family environment. These include:

• Narrative Gaslighting: This is a tactic used by parents to try to persuade their children that something happened the way they recall it, even though the child may have other memories.
• Emotional gaslighting: It occurs when a parent responds to a child as if their emotions are incorrect or illogical, but in reality, they are valid. This is problematic because, as Malkin points out, “our feelings are very close to our sense of self.”
• Personal gaslighting: The process by which a parent discredits their child’s self-worth or self-confidence. According to Malkin, “this is frequently the most pernicious form because it tricks you into believing that what you know about yourself is false.” “It also erodes your confidence and sense of self-worth.”

The arguments

Any connection, especially the one between parents and children, is built on trust. Gaslighting may undermine this trust when a parent invalidates a child’s emotions and experiences. A child is likely to feel emotionally insecure if their reality is frequently questioned or disregarded by people they are supposed to feel safe with. This makes it harder for them to build trustworthy relationships later on.

Another aspect gaslighting by parents has on a child is profound mental health issues. Anxiety, despair, and other psychological problems might result from someone who is always doubting reality. In addition, children who are gaslighted may find it difficult to trust their own judgement and sense of self as adults, which can worsen mental health issues.

Sometimes parents do not know better as they may have grown up in a toxic environment. Experts, however, believe that a gaslighting parent may have been gaslighted as a child and probably may not know how to end the cycle. Reason it’s important to confront the issues before using the same tactics on children. Psychologists say by breaking the cycle of gaslighting, parents can contribute to creating healthier family dynamics and promoting positive relationship patterns.

Gaslighting breeds doubt and anxiety, which inhibits honest dialogue. The development of good communication skills is hampered and the parent-child relationship may be strained when youngsters are reluctant to express themselves honestly out of concern that they will be rejected. Therefore, developing strong parent-child relationship requires excellent communication.

Children look to their parents for approval and direction while navigating the outside world. The world outside tends to be harsh. Thus, a gaslighting parent can undermine the growth of a sound sense of self-worth in youngsters by making them question their own abilities and value. Being informed repeatedly that their experiences or feelings are incorrect can also cause low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.

Gaslighting is a poisonous quality that has nothing to do with being a parent. Avoiding gaslighting is much more than just keeping children safe; it’s about building strong bonds with them and giving them the confidence to rely on their own sense of self and experiences as they explore the world. It’s the responsibility of parents to empower their children to reject all forms of gaslighting.